Recovery Story: Stephanie

I compare my life to water sometimes I feel like a little raindrop
small and overlooked by people and things , and sometimes I feel like
a stream soothed at peace and worry free, but there are days I feel like a
tsunami l I feel like everything is chaos , and destruction.

I feel like I am the nature I am the calm and the strong voice of the ocean
lulling tides , I the voice of an cherub of the choir at times, put I can also be
the voice of the misery , and pain and pessimism . As you can see my greatest
attribute is writing this is my passion and strength and what keeps me going
in life.

Truth be told when I was young my mind as a writer was untamed like a
mustang, I would create my own world of dreams and fantasies in my head
that sometimes that might not be that pleasant.

some thoughts were scary and somewhere sad, and sometimes I felt like I had
no control over the movies and scripts that were playing like twelve O clock
matinee madness.

I also had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder I was obsessed with
fairies ,unicorns, and dragons, I wished to be a princess in faraway kingdom
one that resin with sparkle and glittery silver and gold. I wished to wear
gowns of ivory white and be fair maiden on a pure magical blue eyed beast.

All those ideas changed when I watched horror movies.

I even thought I was once posed by Ouija board, I also believed that chucky
and Freddy Krueger were real and they wanted to catch me where ever I
went by myself .

I also had OCD thinking things that made me happy were, just silly or stupid
or not worth it. There were also days when I felt like I was living in a dream
and sleeping on foot and I couldn't control my speech or anything and I just

rattle off on tangents.

When I was at the pits my lowest state of mind I felt tiny microscopic bugs
all over me and begun to scratch at nothing, I also was sensitive to hot and
cold, and everything when I was manic seemed more keen and dramatic. I
would literally cry over split milk over anything , I was angry and depressed
and couldn't get out of it.

So I'd shut down I was like king Midas instead of gold I had a rueful touch.
I felt like everyone I touched would turn into bellowing heaps of garbage
because I was making a such a stink.

What took me away from reality was my writing , but it also guided me to
truth and ways to look back on myself , also others accepted for who I was
and came to support me when I was OCD or Manic.

I also take medication now it is not for everyone and there certain formulas
that work for certain people ,but it worked for me.

I also focus on my goals big and small like taking care of myself , and trying
to get published . RLC helps me a lot with my fears and stress they are

non judgmental and great group to socialize with.

I to had overcome a lot letting people know my specific needs because I'm
a little different I also have a right brain impairment and sometimes it was
hard for me to learn and I keep making the same mistakes over and over
with friends and especially boys. Now I overcome it by talking, writing,
singing, cooking and using coping methods even spending time with nature
and animals.

Today I got here with practice and patients practice makes perfect like
always say . It's great to have plenty of patients because you will make plenty
of mistakes in life if you learn from that is great, but if you hold it against

yourself and never grow from it you hide in your shell and never get tough.

I focus on goals and taking little baby steps to accomplishing them you
can't just become something overnight therefore it takes time and effort and
precision. Your life is like a musical instrument you must the right chords the
work for you.

Recovery to me is looking in mirror everyday and being proud of feats and
goals that you know you've accomplished it is also a wiliness to learn about
yourself through the hard and easy and coming out knowing your ok.

Staying on the right path is hard at times ,you must always follow your heart
and gut when something does feel right don't do it or ask someone if it's ok or
get help, always believe in yourself.

know that pain is real but those who struggle in pain come out to be better
and nicer people and there is light at the end of tunnel like my dad used to say
there is silver lining to every cloud. We are clouds and there is special sparkle
in all of us that makes up the dynamics that we are good luck and shine , like
the sparkle stay true to yourself and your talents that broaden the sky.

By Stephanie